D3 body, D1 cock
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up under a house in Key West
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