he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
