Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
