I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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