someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
