I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
