not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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