I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize