is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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