my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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