Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
