I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
