I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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