I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
