is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
