I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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