Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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