Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
