i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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