her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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