K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The best revenge is premature balding
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We talked him into tasing himself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
