I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
