just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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