By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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