you would pick up someone in the library
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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