Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your cock deserves a montage
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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