According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
