Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
