I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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