Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
