I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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