we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
