My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
