Dual....:-)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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