Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
