yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
