im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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