theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
