; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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