I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
