Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
