now i know why i became what i already was.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
