My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
