I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
