omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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