I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
