you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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