I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
