I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
