Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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