Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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