Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
