Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
