she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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