Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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