Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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