Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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