So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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