She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
