; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
