what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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