would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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