Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
